It’s the middle of July, it’s hot out, and you’ve watched Stranger Things in its entirety, twice. You think that you have many more weeks left to push back all the summertime projects that you have wanted to do. Guess what my friend, you are as wrong as a Limp Bizkit cover band. School is only one month away. One. Month. Away. I am sweating with urgency as I am typing this. Where did the summer go? Why am I not tan? Why is Donald Trump still running for president? Well, I can tell you that the summer comes and goes every year. That’s the funny thing about time. It keeps going forward. Secondly, you’re not tan because you are never stepping outside your house, and third, I don’t know why Trump is still running for president. I’m just hoping this is the longest episode of Punk’d in history (Ashton Kutcher, I’m looking at you).
Three months is not enough time to goof off while you write your article, novel, short film, or a witty funny ode to Pokemon Go. Here are some of the reasons as to why writing for BUNow is almost impossible in the summertime. You can sit there and make excuses all you want, but I am going to spit out some truth—in bullet points of course. Think of below as an internal dialogue between myself and I—well, it basically is. You are going to be reading a conversation between myself and I. No, I am not as crazy as it sounds. So, please stop reading this sentence and go to my bullet points that I worked so hard on. GO!
- You’re lazy
- Hey no I’m not! Yes, you are.
- You have an internship
- If this is true, good for you. Help a sister out and give them my contact information. It’s tough out there.
- You have a summer job
- This applies to me. Being covered in hot fudge every day is a wonderful experience, but not something that I would want to do when I’m 50.
- The Golden Girls marathons on the Hallmark Channel take up too much of your time
- Just so happens that my prime work time of 11 p.m. to 1 a.m. is the same exact time my favorite girls are on television.
- You don’t think anybody would want to read it
- Not true! There are plenty of people in your life that would love to read what your write. (Hi Cindy!)
- Your drive is the equivalent of a college freshman and a Snorlax
- Going back to Pokemon Go references, nerds you know what I’m talking about.
- You’ve turned into the Iron Giant
- I absolutely HATE it when this happens.
So, since I have the attention span the size of a chestnut, I am concluding this article with how you can fix this procrastination:
- Wake up in the morning and not at 3 in the afternoon
- You are more likely to get more out of your day if you are awake for most of the day.
- Open up your laptop
- Make sure it is turned on when you do this.
- Write an interesting article
- Anything about Kim Kardashian’s pinkie finger will do.
- Send it to Cindy
- Send it to her over email because Facebook and Twitter are not professional
- I keep getting distracted from my television, so these bullet points are getting less in depth.
- Repeat steps one through four.
So, is this the best advice ever given to you about writing for an online news outlet? Probably not. Is this article being used to call my own self out on my laziness and procrastination? Possibly. Whatever the case may be, hopefully you can use your last remaining month to the fullest in whatever you choose to fulfill. Happy writing!