Sometimes they’re awkward, sometimes they’re amazing, and sometimes you have to think of an escape route because you didn’t realize what you were getting yourself into; but everyone has to do it sometime. I’m not talking about the first day of classes or your first job interview; I’m talking about something scarier and more dreaded than anything else: first dates.
As exciting as first dates should be, this is the 21st century and there are a handful of things that make you worry about how the date will go; dates that take place at a restaurant, in particular. The movies aren’t that bad because it’s dark and you don’t have to talk much, which makes it one of the better places to go for a first date.
Sporting events are filled with people, so if it’s awkward you can always resort to people watching and hopefully your date will join in. However, if your date wants to take you out to eat on the first date, so many different things could lead to either success or disaster. You think all day about what you’re going to wear, what you’re going to small talk about, and what I find to be the most important, what you are going to order. Dun dun dun, food just got scary.
You may not realize this, but what you decide to order on a first date actually says a lot about the type of person you are when it comes to dating, and here’s proof:
You are known to play it safe. You think, “Well, appetizers are the first thing on the menu so it doesn’t get much safer than that, and they’re small, so he will totally think I’m skinny if I have a petite appetite.” Wrong.
App’s are the food you order when you’re unsure of who is taking the bill. Your date probably thinks it’s weird that you’re ordering the cheapest thing on the menu, but he wouldn’t say that. Unless he’s your typical ‘Thad Castle’ and sees right past it and continues on to talk about himself and the ‘Goat House;’ and if that’s the case, why are you on a date with a Thad in the first place? Oh no, it was a blind date? Here is when the ‘escape route’ concept comes into play; back doors are usually the best way out.
Ordering a salad is like admitting, “I reaaaaallly want that buffalo chicken wrap, but I’m afraid that the buffalo sauce will drip all down my chin to my neck and my shirt, so to avoid that, I’ll order a salad with all the same stuff on it. Perfect.” Wrong again.
You’re definitely less timid than Appetizer Allie, but you’re no Burger Brandy, and you’re way too concerned about what your date thinks. Ordering a salad is code for being really intimidated by your date and wanting them to think you’re cute and funny.
Exception: If you’re a health freak, which is understandable and don’t throw all that extra stuff on it, or you’re contradicting yourself.
Exception 2: You’re a vegetarian. In that case, go you! We’ve all seen Food, Inc. and you actually listened to its message, and even better, being a vegetarian is a great small talk topic.
Now we’re starting to get a bit risky. You’re the comfortable medium between Appetizer Allie and Entre Elaine, so it goes without saying that you’re a pretty cool girl, and the dude you’re on the date with is totally into you. Ordering a sandwich is saying, “I want a summer body, but I also want this Santa Fe Chicken Sandwich, and I always get what I want. So, I will eat this sandwich and go to the gym. Tomorrow.” You thoroughly enjoy using the sassy girl emoji, Sally, and you know it. You own that emoji and all of its sassiness.
The much anticipated, Burger Brandy, my favorite cool yet laid back, carnivore. Being Burger Brandy means that you are the all American girl, and you definitely enjoy a good barbeque with a cold beer. You’re a straight homegirl, which means that your guy friends love to hangout with you, because you’re like one of the bro’s. So it goes without saying that you will definitely be going on a number of dates with this guy after the first date. Brandy is the friend you have that has a super bubbly personality and a great closet to shop in, but if they get barbeque sauce on their shirt, guess what, they could care less. So cool, Burger Brandy, don’t ever change.
Last, but certainly not least, the one, the only, the Entre Elaine. These girls are the absolute best to bring home to mom and dad. Being Elaine means that you are the perfect mix of social butterfly and responsible human being. You can eat, a lot, and it’s probably because you grew up with tons of bangin’ full course dinners made by your parents every night. This type of girl loves having a boyfriend, and this probably isn’t your first date, it’s more-than-likely your one year anniversary dinner. Aw, how cute, someone who can actually maintain a real relationship. One day I hope I can be you, Elaine, until then, enjoy your entre.
There you have it; each and every meal you can potentially choose on a date actually defines who you are as a person. Who knew? Well, I did, but that’s why I shared it with all of you. So next time you go on a date, think about if you want to be the girl-next-door, Sandwich Sally, or the girl all guys love, Burger Brandy.
Happy first dating, and bon appetite!