PYONGYANG, NK – The North Korean government has confirmed that Kim Jong Un is not dead, as many media outlets suspected he either was or would be soon.
“The Great Leader, Kim Jong Un, is not dead. There is also no chance he will ever die because he lives forever. No one disputes this unless they like living in prison,” a North Korean spokesman told The Daily Forgery.
“Obesity is not real; Great Leader Kim is only slightly above average waist size. Smoking is also good for you. Don’t you know, doctors recommend them?”
Along with photos provided, videos show the leader of North Korea walking around the fertilizer plant perfectly fit, lifting steamrollers with his bare hands. North Korean officials assure us they were not edited at all. South Korea is now confirming that North Korea was getting bored during quarantine and decided to do something good for the world for once: start a game of “Where’s Waldo” with world leaders. Unfortunately, no one caught on and the game ended before it could really begin. Kim Jung Un was reported to have started crying when he was told by officials that no one knew what it was they were trying to do.
His sister, Kim Yo-Jung, told media she was happy to spend some time in the spotlight, but they should have been looking for her brother to play along. Sharing her father’s taste in cinema, she also expressed hopes that her newfound Internet popularity will lead to a situational comedy based on her life. She hopes Netflix will pick up the idea, because even North Korea knows they are desperate for original content.