The Legend of "Block Party Bert"

You’ve heard of Puxatony and all his silly fuss
And that second rate knockoff that calls himself Gus
But have you heard of the greatest rodent living under dirt?
Well listen boys and girls to the legend of Block Party Bert.

Bert was just a baby when his mama saw a quirk
That Bert loved to play while others lived to work
He’d do all his chores, but he’d do them all with haste
Cause he’d hate to have a single day of play go to waste

Well Bert’s family lived deep under the ground
But just above their heads was Pennsylvania’s only town.
In Bloomsburg’s quad he would spend his days,
Laying in the green grass and soaking in some rays.

Now Bert was just a ground hog but he could plainly see
The Bloomsburg students lived in misery.
They’d slump to class all day and do homework all night.
Bert was concerned that no play was in sight.

Bert made a friend and his name was Drew
And he said to him one day, “Andy what is wrong with you?”
Drew said, “I work so hard just to have a good career”
“But I haven’t had any fun since I’ve been living here”.

Our hero was worried about Andrew’s strife.
He heard kids came to college for the best days of their life!
But from his time on campus he saw only frowns and gloom.
Something had to change and it had to be soon.

So Drew and Bert went out…
To a ball game,
But there were no fans
To talk to CGA,
Who had no plans
To the Commons,
With nothing edible
To meet advisors,
Who just were not credible
To see a band,
Though they didn’t pick it
To visit a friend,
But they got a parking ticket!

“Enough!”, cried Bert, who was sick to be near it.
This school had no heart, no gumption, no spirit.
The students were beaten by the cold winter season
Bert had a purpose, BU’s plight gave him reason

Now Andy had just about accepted his sad fate
And was planning a trip up to Penn State
When Bert said, “Andy I know summer is being tardy”,
“But I’ll help your classmates out if they just throw a party”.

Well Drew turned to Bert saying “I don’t understand”
So Bert sat Drew down and told his master plan.
He’d return in late April each year to take a look,
And if he saw a celebration he’d get the students off the hook

If Bert was convinced they had partied out their ass
He’d declare only two weeks left of class.
But if unsatisfied by a party that’s “just OK”,
He’d make students go to class until late May.

Block party was born and student sadness fell.
The town doesn’t like it, but they can go to hell.
Cause students work so hard and their soul being to hurt,
But they’ll always have one weekend thanks to Bert.

So study for your finals and earn those good grades,
And stay out of trouble and always behave.
But once a year go nuts and really throw a fit
Because Block Party Bert says that you deserve it!