With college comes added responsibilities, a defined outlook on life, and more freedoms. With freedom comes finding one’s self and with this comes sexual experimentation. It sounds dirty to some and wonderful to others. As a college freshman with little experience it all seemed fascinating and yet daunting. Now as a junior I’ve gathered much needed knowledge and experience that I wish I’d known as a freshman. I wouldn’t go as far as calling myself an expert on sex but to say I haven’t had my fair share of good, terrible, and in-between experiences would be a lie. So as our first president might say, I did cut down that cherry tree.
As many times as I reminded myself that I was a modern woman who didn’t adhere to stereotypes, the big ugly emotion called ‘guilt’ still occasionally reared its ugly head. It’s not an uncommon reaction to have, as we’re often told to be proper and act like a lady, but it’s important not to let this rule your life if you decide casual sex is what you want. There’s nothing wrong with the “Hook-Up culture” if it’s between two consenting adults.
Honesty is Really the Best Policy
When making the decision to sleep with someone, especially if it’s an ongoing situation, the importance of honesty cannot be over stressed. It’s an awkward situation when you’re trying to be cool, but making sure that both partners are on the same page is an easy way to avoid unnecessary drama.
Friends with Benefits Aren’t Always Ideal
Sex, video games, food and more sex. Friends with benefits seems like an ideal relationship, but when something seems too good to be true it usually is. Sure, sex with someone you know is usually better. You know what each other likes, it’s easier to communicate, and it’s effortless in a sense. With this effortlessness comes comfortability and with this comes feelings—hard, wave-crashing, earth shattering feelings that will instantly crush the sexual mood if both parties haven’t caught the love bug. Can it work? Sure, but it takes a lot of communication.
The enemy of the modern era. Not because we use it to satisfy our cravings—that’s just fine, perfectly natural, and perhaps even encouraged. Oh no, it’s because we watch porn and see overly attractive stars who are effortlessly graceful and aggravatingly sexy. This is NOT real life people! Sex is full of unexpected sounds, unsuccessful insertion, and absolute imperfection. These realities are doubled when alcohol is introduced when, if we’re being honest, it so often is. Porn is great, but it’s staged. They are actors playing a part with the ability to edit out all the uncomfortable moments. Imagine a porn blooper tape. See, your sex life doesn’t seem so embarrassing now. Give yourself a break, laugh off that awkward noise and stop with the unrealistic expectations.
Dating apps are the front runner in the hook up scene. Meeting men and women in your area is now effortless, but it should be used with caution. Going straight to your prospective partners’ house may not be the best plan. If you’re looking for sex only, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to meet them in a public place first. Get a feel for the situation and never put yourself in a position where you can’t leave, i.e. drive yourself or make sure it’s within walking distance. Pro Tip: Tell a friend if you’re meeting for the first time. A quick “emergency” phone call will easily get you out of an uncomfortable situation.
This cannot be stressed or stated enough. You’re on the pill? Great news, but the pill doesn’t protect against STD’s. Condoms do. They are your little plastic friends, use them.
It’s Okay to Say No
This is a weird one as it goes without saying, but it’s not always so obvious. It is always acceptable to say no regardless of what you’ve done, how you got in the situation, or what you may perceive you “owe” them. You owe them nothing accept a long lecture if they try to make you think otherwise.
There is no manual to hookups. Every situation is different and there is no one “right way” to act when you’re trying to get busy. Hooking up isn’t like in movies and you undoubtedly will have awkward encounters. Go with your gut, stay safe, and hit the sack.