Every Easter I hear my aunt’s voice in my head saying, “Nothing says Christ our Lord has risen quite like marshmallow peeps.” She is also the one who taught me if you put toothpicks in the beak of a peep and put it in a microwave they will duel like medieval knights. Seriously, try it.
Anyways, in the spirit of Easter, I decided to duel some peeps and make an Easter craft in the hopes that I could decorate our apartment with adorable yarn Easter eggs. Almost everyone has seen this pin so why not try it out? Great idea, Sarie!
I was excited because it wasn’t altogether expensive or difficult…or so I thought. How hard can it be to dip some yarn in glue and wrap it around a balloon? REALLY FREAKING HARD, thanks for asking.
I’m not sure who the demon woman was who wrote the directions, but she deserves an award for stupidest craft of all time. She is the type of person who I would prank and not feel even a little bit bad about. I would totally put a bag of flaming dog poop on her doorstep and run away laughing like Ed the hyena from Lion King … Stupid yarn egg lady.
First you’re supposed to make a glue and water mixture, two parts glue to one part water. My first inclination that this was a horrible idea was when I tried to figure out how to measure glue. Being the brilliant 22–year-old that I am, I decided to measure glue in a shot glass. It was when I was using a Burger King straw to scrap the glue out of a shot glass that I realized I was making a horrible mistake.
Then Lucifina told me to measure 10 feet of yarn and put it in the bowl of glue. In case you’re wondering, 10 feet of glue covered yarn is ALMOST enough yarn to hang yourself with, if only it were more durable. And I’m not being dramatic, untangling this yarn was like trying to solve a rubrics cube when you’re color blind.
Then after it I finally manage to untangle the yarn, I start wrapping it around the flaccid balloon, WHICH IS NEXT TO IMPOSSIBLE. Why? I thought you’d never ask. Because your fingers are covered in glue, glue is slippery, and so are WET glue covered balloons. That’s why. All I can think about between profanities is,
“This is stupid,”
and “I am an idiot.”
Then the she-demon makes you cut another 10 foot noose to dip in the glue, which wouldn’t be a problem if your hands weren’t covered in glue-water. So there I sit, covered in glue trying to handle a spool of yarn, hoping to die.
I’m telling you…flaming dog poop. She totally deserves it.
It is honestly the most frustrating thing I have done in my life. At one point I put my head in my glue covered hands laughing so hard out of frustration that I was on the verge of tears. A balloon covered in glue almost made me cry. I fail at life. The amount of times I swore during this craft does not seem right considering its honoring grown up Jesus rising from the dead. Ahh, the irony.
Then after 35 minutes of pure and utter torture I gave up. I threw in the yarn, washed my hands and waited for them to dry.
So here it goes: My name is Sarie, and I’m addicted to Pinterest. I was reduced to tears and rage trying to wrap yarn around a balloon.
*My editors always tell me to convey how I “feel” when I’m done with a pin. Well, to answer your question… I felt like I needed another glass of wine. Happy belated Easter.