#PinnersProblems: Orange Juice Facial

Another installment of #PinnersProblems

Circa 2003 with my dog, Belle. I cannot believe I am sharing this with you. Look at me, I am so gangly and awkward. Seriously, I look like a knuckle walker.

People have recently been commenting on “how clear my skin is” which makes me really uncomfortable for a few reasons:

1) I am not in a Proactive commercial

2) I disagree because I have struggled with my skin for years

3) I am very critical of my face without makeup.

4) It has back fired and made my skin even worse!

I would like to take a minute to blame the culprits: Middle school and acne for ruining my life from 6th-9th grade. Good for you middle school- you win! Are you happy now?! Both of you have emotionally scarred me. 

As if being a 7th grader wasn’t hard enough, try being taller than all the boys gangly and breaking out. Seriously.  They called me the Jolly Green Giant and I cried. I hated everything.  These emotional scars are why I will go to the ends of the earth to keep my skin from retreating back to its middle school days.  

Because of this, I will scrub the stupidest things onto my face to make it clear, radiant, or whatever enticing adjectives they throw at me. I will do it, I don’t even care.

This is how I found myself mixing orange juice and baking soda together to make an at-home face mask. The website promised to “get rid of blackheads like nobody’s business” and told me the magic behind the mixture “baking soda exfoliates and fights acne while the acid in the orange juice tightens pores and the vitamin C brightens.”

Good enough for me. Let’s go! The mixture smells…unique. Not bad, just kind of like you mixed whole milk, baby food and orange juice together. My roommate thought it was horrible, but I think he was overreacting. Typical. Either that or I was just ignoring the smell because the haunting memories of middle school have started to creep into my brain, like when I was the only girl at the lunch table who didn’t get invited to that birthday party*. COOL.

The mix was ready, my face was clean, so it was time to slather it on my face and wait for the magic to happen. I highly suggest doing this on a night when you have nothing better to do or when you’re giving your roommate the cold shoulder because this dries so tightly you cannot speak for 20 minutes.

Immediately my face was tingling and I was excited. “Work your magic little face mask!” my inner optimist shouted (In my head. Not out loud because I couldn’t move my face.) I couldn’t talk I could only mumble gibberish like “My ferce feers ser terght” (translation: ‘my face feels so tight’) and laughing was out of the question.

I assume this is what Botox feels like, except you can go out in public when you have Botox. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not above Botox I’ve just never had any injected into my face. Track me down in 40 years. If my skin obsession lives on I might be the next Joan Rivers or a Bravo Housewife if I play my cards right.

So while this wasn’t a Pinterest fail, it was a Pinterest-what-am-I-doing-with-my-life. My face was soft and slightly pink from the baking soda eating away at my face. I was told my skin was ‘glowing’ but I can’t tell if it was just to appease me and my stupid habits of believing anything and everything Pinterest tells me to do. So here I am again.

My name is Sarie and I am addicted to Pinterest. My face mask of orange juice and baking soda worked, but did not change my life. I wasted 2 tablespoons of orange juice in the making of this project.

*Also a small side note in case you’re wondering, I kind of benefited from the whole “not invited to the birthday party” thing. Everyone that went to the sleepover got lice. This is when I started to believe in karma.