In time of great peril, the commissioner of Major League Baseball can rely on the powerful “best interests of the game” clause to take action without the approval of the league’s owners or players’ union. Well this weekend, the spirit of the World Series hangs in a delicate balance, but I do not think Bud Selig plans to address the issue.
So as the self-appointed Commissioner of Higher Education, I am invoking my “best interests of the party” clause and declaring that Halloween be postponed until the end of the World Series.
Perhaps you have been too busy battling midterms to consult a calendar, but Halloween happens to share Saturday’s square with game three of the 2009 Fall Classic. This is an obvious problem on two fronts: 1) Halloween is awesome 2) The Phillies-Yankees matchup not only may be the best World Series of our lifetime, but it also has a strangle-hold on the attention of everyone in the tri-state area.
We cannot in good conscience allow these two great events to battle each other for our hearts and livers this weekend. While the importance of holidays change depending on your age and situation in life, Halloween arguably ranks right between Saint Patrick’s and the day before Thanksgiving for college students.
We shouldn’t be forced to choose. Halloween offers us a weekend filled with candy, booze, and girls dressed in mind-numbingly sexy outfits. The World Series offers us a weekend of baseball, booze, and girls dressed in Chase Utley jerseys. I want to move to Utah and marry both.
So here is what I propose. This weekend, we celebrate the World Series. Wear your red or blue pinstripes, mix up some “riot juice,” and enjoy Americas past time with your undivided attention.
Then the next weekend, from November 6th to the 8th, break out your Halloween costume and party like it’s October 31st. (Commissioners’ note: Feel free to break out some “riot juice” for your Halloween parties as well.)
Now traditional Halloween activities can continue. I am not about to wage a crusade against trick-or-treating. I just urge you to reschedule all Halloween-related parties and bar themes.
This idea is not as crazy as you might think. There is certainly a precedent for this type of action. In recent years, we have rescheduled Block Party to avoid a confrontation with the Bloomsburg Renaissance fair. The emergence of TIVO and Hulu.com has spurred a trend of watching TV shows at a time that best suits your lifestyle. Even celebrations such as 21st birthdays are commonly moved from a miserable Monday to a freak-fest Friday.
Like the character from Wedding Crashers who had to have her sweet sixteen on her thirteenth birthday, we are a generation that is used to getting what we want whenever we want it. So let’s make this happen. Join the already 80+ people who have pledged their support to this cause in the “World Series > Halloween” Facebook event.
Remember, Halloween is a holiday, but this movement is a revolution.
Postpone Halloween one week and enjoy both events to the fullest.
And if you must celebrate Halloween this weekend, you could always wear a Yankees hat and go out as an asshole.