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On Campus

To be a Human in Bloomsburg: Day 1

  It’s been less then 24 hours since the zombie virus has broken out on the Bloomsburg University campus and I’m losing hope fast. There were 131 survivors when it started, but now nine of our brothers and sisters fell to the plague. I fear the number of survivors will dwindle as the night progresses. However the human resistance will prevail.

When I woke up this morning, the usual thoughts preoccupied my mind.  “Can I get away with wearing the same jeans two days in a row?” “How do I correctly spell Australopithecus for my upcoming test?” “Can I ignore the dishes another day?” However once I stepped outside my door a more alarming thought entered my mind, “Stupid zombies.” Survival mode kicked in as I began my trek from upper campus through the zombie infested parking lot and quad all the way to Old Science Hall.

I imagine it was quite comical to watch any member of this campus wide game of tag as he or she makes their way around; constantly looking over their shoulder, keeping close to building entrances, eyes narrowing in on upper arms or foreheads. For those of you who do not know, humans wear green arm bands and zombies wear green arm bans plus orange head-bans. So for the next week or so, if you were to witness multiple orange head-ban-sporting people chasing a person with a green arm ban. Do not call the cops or the nut house, this is not a kidnapping nor are we crazy. We just like to play with dead things once in a while.

I can say I successfully survived the first day without being infected by the original zombie (who does not have to wear a orange head-ban) or any of the other infected. However I was able to come up with some tips to pass on to fellow survivors while we wait for this zombie plague to pass.

        1. Shoes. Wear them. Preferably comfortable ones that you can triple tie the laces. Because, seriously, do you want to die because you could not properly tie your shoes. Come on, man we learned that in Kindergarten. Oh, and ladies do not wear shoes or boots that click when you walk. Although stylish and confident, trust me it doesn’t work in your favor. Don’t ask why.

     2. Travel lightly. Zombies of all shapes, sizes and athletic abilities are creeping about, you don’t want your Anatomy and Physiology book weighing you down. If you absolutely need to carry your academic supplies with you, I suggest a back pack versus a messenger bag. Messenger bags or large purses can hinder your running abilities and the momentum of the swinging can throw you into a bush. Again don’t ask how or why. Just trust me.

    3. Lastly have fun. Although the adrenaline is pumping through your veins and scenes of numerous zombie films are flashing through your mind, this is not a real scenario. Calm down. This game was design for fun not training for the actual event.  If you are that concerned with surviving an almost impossible zombie apocalypse, I suggest you watch Doomsday Prepers on the National Geographic Channel. Besides leaving you with a satisfying sense there are other people crazier then you, it will give you some life saving tips.

For more on my journey of survival, check back here everyday for new post. Till then goodluck and just remember the rule number 1, cardio. Zombie nerds will understand.