I know that us college students are going back to school soon. Before you bring out the standard check list of questions, please read the following article before you decide to ask us these questions:
- “What did you do over break?”
Having foot surgery at the very beginning of break, my ability to walk was robbed from me. Therefore, the most traveling I got was getting up from the couch and using my scooter to get into the kitchen. No kidding. I had a scooter. It even had a basket so I could put stuff in it. Here’s the picture:
- “What did you get for Christmas?”
I asked Santa to not give me bunions so I wouldn’t have to get the surgery in the first place. I also asked for a pair of headphones. I got neither. Because of this, I am salty. So no Mary, please do not ask me what I got for Christmas. I don’t care and neither do you.
(If I told you I just got socks and pencils, will you leave me be?)
- “Did you go on any vacations over break?”
Jane, please refer to my answer to question number one. I am also aware this is just a way for you to bring up your vacation on the planet Jupiter without you actually being the one to bring it up. I saw all the pictures on Instagram. All my questions have been answered and I have seen all I wanted to see.
You also know I had foot surgery so why are we doing this? I know we are just making small talk in a Starbucks line but please think of something better than this.
- “Are you excited about your last semester of college?”
You mean, am I excited about abandoning everything I’ve known for the past four years? Go back home to a place that isn’t the same as I left it? Moving back to my house where my dad obsessively vacuums seven times a day?
- “Can you believe how cold it is outside?”
Being that it is winter and we are in Bloomsburg, yes I believe it is cold outside. If the weather is being basic, it is not worth mentioning. The only time we should talking about “believing the weather” is if fire balls are coming out of the sky or it’s raining Coca-Cola.
*Bonus question: “Have you started watching Shameless?”
This question makes me want to roll my ass back into foot surgery. I also don’t even want to think of a witty comment for this question.