Dontcha Juanna? Bachelor Recap

Dontcha Juanna? Many do

Another exciting Bachelor season leaves four girls chasing Juan Pablo’s heart

Things keep getting hotter as this sexy, single soccer-turned-Bachelor star takes on the role of dating 25 women. With a very drama-filled eight weeks into the show, there are only four girls left. Time for the hometown visits!

Nikki

Juan first traveled to Kansas City, Mo . to meet Nikki’s family. Nikki, a 26-year-old pediatric nurse, told her dad, “I don’t know, I just feel really confident.” It felt like the visit lasted a whole five minutes. Juan liked the family, the family liked Juan Pablo; but nothing too exciting happened. She sat down with her mother and confessed her love for Juan. But in the end Nikki couldn’t muster up enough confidence to tell him before he drove off – leaving her standing in the doorway almost in tears. This is a very short description because nothing was worth describing, and Nikki’s chance at a rose may fall just as short.

Well, off to the next one.

Andi

Andi, a 26-year-old assistant district attorney from Atlanta, welcomed Juan Pablo to her city. From the start you can feel their chemistry and a sense of excitement. Indifferent from the standard home visits, Andi took Juan Pablo to a shooting range, claiming that since he made her do crazy things she would return the favor. “You’re on my turf, I’m going to make you do something I’m good at,” Andi said as she shot her rifle. She gave him a proposition – if you hit the target I will take you home to meet my parents. Well, let’s just say Juan Pablo is better with a soccer ball. Don’t worry, after plenty of “practice shots” Juan Pablo hit the bullseye. The first topic of conversation – Why didn’t Juan Pablo pick Andi for a one-on-one date until there were eight girls left? From that point on, Juan Pablo looked nervous. The skepticism vibe continued through dinner until Andi’s mom asked Juan Pablo to show her how he dances. Juan Pablo grabbed Andi and they awkwardly tried to salsa while her mom oversaw with an uncomfortable look across her face. Overall, this hometown date was better than that of Nikki’s as well as Andi’s chance at a rose.

Two more girls left.

Renee

Renee is a 32 year old real estate agent from Sarasota, Fla.

They are my favorite couple; Renee’s feelings are so sincere it’s sweet. To start off the date, Juan Pablo met Renee’s adorable eight year old son. Juan Pablo immediately connected with her son, probably because he has experience with children since he raises his four year old daughter. They watch Renee’s son’s little league baseball game. When they arrived home, Renee’s mom wanted an answer – are you in love? “I am totally crazy in love with him,” Renee answered, then soon after confessed that she hasn’t told Juan Pablo yet. Renee’s parents saw the sparkle in her eye, so they accepted Juan Pablo. However, Juan Pablo did not seem as intimate with Renee as he did the other three girls. Yet again, another girl failed to tell Juan Pablo her true feelings.

And of course ABC leaves the most drama-filled family visit for last – the girl who showed up the first night and pretended to be pregnant.

Claire

Arriving in Sacramento, Calif., Claire welcomed Juan Pablo. Claire is a 32 year old hairstylist. From the very beginning, Claire did not hesitate to try and win over Juan Pablo and it seemed as though Juan Pablo was equally as interested. However, recently things haven’t been as dandy. Juan Pablo is introduced to Claire’s large family. The first things Claire’s mom observed is Juan Pablo’s touchy-feely relationship with her daughter – which, to my surprise, makes her extremely happy. “Do you think she would be a great wife and are you ready to propose to her?” Claire’s sister asked Juan Pablo. Hmm, great question; Juan Pablo creatively danced his way out of giving an actual answer. Claire’s family is just like the others, and very skeptical of this whole process. When her family expressed that they cannot give their blessings for marriage just yet, Claire broke down and her claws came out. Which didn’t come as a surprise; doesn’t drama happen whenever Claire is involved? It’s pretty much inevitable. Things seemed to not be going so well, until Juan Pablo sat down with Claire’s mom and they began to have a conversation in Spanish. The hometown visit ended with Claire repeatedly stating that she would love love love to marry Juan Pablo.

Wait, the two hour episode is over already?! It goes by so quickly. Here comes the best part of the night, the rose ceremony.

Nikki gets the first rose!

Claire claims the second!

And claiming the final rose is… Andi.

Poor Renee, after introducing Juan Pablo to her son, she is on her way back to Florida. Juan Pablo gives Renee one last hug as tears roll down his face. Honestly, I was not surprised to see her leave without a rose. I believe that Juan Pablo’s connection with the other girls is visibly stronger.

It’s a two-night special! St. Lucia Fantasy Suite here we come…

“What… just… happened?”

This may have been the reaction many had to last week’s Monday night Fantasy Suite edition of the Bachelor. Now, just take a moment to remember that this is reality television… and things just got REAL. Given the dramatic, tear-filled previews ABC creatively put together, viewers already knew that it was going to be an eventful episode – but to my surprise, and I’m assuming many others, things took a turn for the worse.

Let’s recap – three girls left. The two blondes, Nikki and Claire, who are so uncontrollably in love with Juan Pablo, and Andi who seemed to fall head-over-heels after the home visits.

And so the episode begins with Juan Pablo stating how happy he was that he is “going to get a chance to talk to the girls with privacy … all the time we want, no cameras. Perfect.” Don’t lie, when you read that you could hear Juan Pablo saying it in his sometimes-sexy accent.

Claire

Clare arrives in St. Lucia and is already anticipating a wonderful time with the most perfect man in the whole entire world. She said. “If you told me a year ago that I would be standing here with the man of my dreams, falling in love, there’s no way I would believe you.” How sweet. I’m not convinced.

They enjoyed a cliché date on a yacht, which included many camera shots of Claire lying on top of her lover. And, of course, the whole time Claire is debating whether or not she should spend in the night in the fantasy suite. C’mon, Claire, you aren’t fooling any of us. We already know things went down in the waters of Vietnam, don’t try to play hard to get… because chances are Juan Pablo won’t even understand what you’re trying to do.

They enjoyed a romantic dinner and Claire expressed her want to meet Juan Pablo’s daughter, Camila. Juan Pablo is more concerned about the plans for later that night, so he decides right then and there to ask Claire if she’d like to join him in the fantasy suite.
Wait a second… I’m just a little confused. Juan Pablo was so devastated when the two of them took a little late night dip in the waters of Vietnam, saying that it was disrespectful to his daughter – well, an over-night slumber party entitled the “Fantasy Suite” will probably be way more understanding.

Once they are all comfy in the Fantasy Suite, Juan Pablo toasted, “Tomorrow we will wake up and know a lot more about each other.” Oh, I bet you will.

Claire and Juan Pablo sat and talked, or should I say Claire talked while Juan Pablo played with her facial features (like usual). Then the moment we’ve all been waiting for happens- Claire drops the L-bomb! She says, “I’m falling in love with you.” To no surprise at all, Juan Pablo avoided addressing what just happened and instead continued to play “got your nose” with Claire.

They moved into the hot tub, where Juan Pablo continued to slobber all over her. You think Claire would have realized that Juan Pablo has yet to show any emotion towards her (besides obsessing over her physical features). Instead, Claire said she wants babies and marriage and that she trusts him. Claire is playing this bachelor game hard, in it to win it.

Andi

This date starts off in a village, playing steel drums and soccer on the beach. They took a land buggy into the jungle and had a nice, little lunch date next to a waterfall. Juan Pablo must really love the sight of Andi next to waterfalls… didn’t they have this date already? Juan Pablo thinks Andi is “wife material.” Aw, well this is already more promising than anything Claire got out of him, so I guess this date is off to a great start.

Juan Pablo believes that Andi could be the one for him, but he wanted to talk about something Andi said during the hometown visit. Juan Pablo is concerned that Andi said that she “really badly wanted to fall in love.” Juan doesn’t want her to force her feelings. Being an assistant district attorney, Andi wittily explained that there is a huge difference between wanting to fall in love and forcing yourself to fall in love. Juan Pablo probably didn’t understand what she meant; he struggled with that a lot this season, I feel bad.

Now Andi has a few questions of her own. She asked if he thinks she will be a good mother. Great question Andi! Juan Pablo paused, and then replied, “Do I think you can be a good mother? My honest answer is I don’t know. Are you a mother? No. Will you fit on my life? Sure.” [Face palm to the forehead] He said, “That’s why I have an overnight with you, so we can talk about a lot of things.” Maybe not the exact answer that Andi was hoping to hear, but she accepted it and the key to the Fantasy Suite. You go, girl.

We didn’t get to see what happened behind the Fantasy Suite doors, but man do I really wish this night could have been an exception. Juan Pablo woke up extremely happy, claiming Andi really could be the one for him. As for Andi, it was like one of those mornings you wake up with really bad breath and can’t wait to brush your teeth. “Waking up this morning, I could not wait to get out of the Fantasy Suite,” She said. With a disgusted look on her face, Andi explained that, “The whole night was just a disaster.”

AM I THE ONLY ONE NOT SURPRISED BY THIS? Andi is a very intelligent girl. She needs someone equally as smart and down-to-Earth. In my opinion Juan Pablo came just a little short of that… ok, a lot short.

As a whole, Andi finally realized that Juan Pablo was a self-centered narcissist who loved talking about himself, the other girls, and thinks everyone is in love with him. And I say it again… you go, girl!

Finally, we have Nikki. (Or in the voice of Juan Pablo, Neekee.)

Showing up in style, or lack of clothes, wearing some tight pants and fringy bikini top, Nikki and Juan Pablo ride away on horseback. Wait, I forgot to mention the part where Juan Pablo expresses his wish for Nikki to be wearing a thong while riding the horse. I would pay to hear what Andi had to say about that comment.

Anyway, Juan Pablo is very interested in Nikki because she is sexy. Oh, and she cares about people. They played in the waves together and Juan Pablo said, “Aye aye aye I can’t wait for tonight!” We all knew Nikki was going to accept the Fantasy Suite invitation.

Another girl throws out the L-word. She said, “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t feel the way I do … and I love you.” Juan Pablo gave a cute little smirk.

Their date quickly ended as Nikki went back to her individual room to get ready for later that night.
We assume that the night was magical because Juan Pablo looked pretty satisfied the next day as he tells Chris Harrison that he is “feeling good.” Oh Juan, not for long… Andi has a thing or two to say to you.

He sat down to watch the videos that all of the girls have made for him. He got to Andi’s video and the next thing you know she appeared in the room. She sat down next to Juan Pablo and (of course) he annoyingly started touching her face, ears, nose, etc.

Andi told him that she is not in love with him. Juan Pablo emotionlessly replies, “It’s ok.”

Andi freaked out. And I mean, FREAKED out. For the next hour she ranted about how terrible he is, calling him an honest “a-hole” and that she wasted so much of her time. Andi packed her bags and was out of there.

I’M CALLING IT NOW. ANDI WILL BE THE NEXT BACHELORETTE.

And finally, we have a very pointless rose ceremony. Given that there are only two girls left in the race for Juan Pablo’s heart, they both received roses.

Who will win Juan Pablo’s heart – Nikki or Claire? Did I mention that they hate each other? Things are going to get very interesting.