Cup O' Joe: 5th Serving

I spent last night looking over terrible baseball contracts. Did you know that Andruw Jones received $36.2 million to hit .158 with three home runs in 75 games before being released last season? Adam Eaton basically received a paycheck from the Phillies to stay home last year, just in case his suckness became contagious. Dontrelle Willis might be the highest pain non-factor in history.

How do these General Managers who gave away these contracts sleep at night? They are just throwing away money. It is like bringing your friend out to the bar the night he received his refund check from Waller. A lot of cash is going to be spent and the end result will be everyone feeling sick.

I went to sleep completely stunned by how wasteful some people could be with their money and amazed that such terrible long-term investments could be made.

I woke up feeling like the world’s biggest hypocrite. I’ve flushed well over $40,000 down the crapper attending Bloomsburg University. Like a terrible relationship though, I can’t seem to say goodbye as I enter my fifth year of this commitment. Bloomsburg University has become my Dontrelle Willis, complete with DUI and Public Urination. I know I’ve made a mistake, but I’ve invested too much to turn away.

My realization had nothing to do with academics or anything of that sort. No, the magnitude of my mistake hit me as I walked past the quad today. See, your calendar doesn’t say so, but today was a local holiday. March 31st was “Halter Top” day here in Bloomsburg.

Bill Simmons coined the term “Halter Top” day to celebrate that moment on cold northern college campuses when the weather finally turns for the warmer and girls bust out the skirts and cleavage boasting shirts. Unfortunately, this day normally doesn’t arrive anywhere north of Pennsylvania until well after midterms.

It is a bitter sweet phenomenon. On one hand, you finally get a chance to see just how cute that girl in math class is without her hiding behind a deceiving wardrobe of jeans and a sweatshirt. On the other hand, this day is a constant reminder about how dumb you were for attending a school up North anyway.

(A balmy Bloomsburg day in late April)

I had the choice to attend a University anywhere. I could have traveled down to Florida or west to Arizona, where every day is “Halter Top” day. Just picture hours of Whiffleball while hundreds of beautiful girls lie around sun bathing and marveling at your wicked slide piece (copyright Gary “Sarge” Matthews).

But no, instead I am stuck in Bloomsburg waiting for the inevitable April snow storm and cursing my high school guidance counselor to hell. Happy Halter Top day everybody.

Mail Box

Our first email is a very timely one discussing… Halloween of course. No problem, next to Halter Top day Halloween is my favorite holiday (for many of the same reasons!). Anyway, Ellie emailed me regarding our “top ten costumes of 2008” feature and wanted to send along ten suggestions of her own. I am especially a fan of numbers five and six.

My next email came from Josh Wooten, who came across my “Early Retirement” plan and wanted to let me know that my dream could indeed become a reality. Josh and his wife are semi-retired college graduates who travel the country with their two pets. In their spare time they sell items on ebay to fund their adventures. You can follow their journey at their blog. Good for them! They are like the Neil Armstrong of lazy college students; boldly paving a path for future generations to follow. I think i might create a similar blog when I graduate, only mine will tell of my adventures playing Lion King on Sega Genesis for long hours and watching LOST.

I wouldn’t feel right about pimping two websites without also mentioning my buddy Nick Fox’s newest Blog. Nick has publicly announced his goal of making one million dollars within the next three years. If you knew Nick like I do, you wouldn’t exactly be in a rush to bet against him. Anyway, you can follow his mission here as he updates us regarding his progress and entertains us along the way. Good luck Nick. Remember us small time bloggers when you make it big.

Finally, don’t forget to tune into The Fearsome Foursome tonight on WBUQ 91.1 FM. The show begins at 10 pm and can also be found online here.

Here is a video of one of our more popular episodes from our first season back in 2005. The real payoff comes around the 3 minute mark.