Cup O’ Joe: 3rd serving

Ever hear just a fraction of a conversation that a passerby is having with a friend, and the rest of your day is ruined because of that tiny piece of communication stuck in your brain?

The other day I was hanging out in the java city computer lounge when a group of guys came walking by. I didn’t overhear much because I was fixated on my fantasy baseball roster, but unfortunately I caught this snippet from their conversation:

Guy 1- “Did you ever life weights while drunk? Sometimes me and my buddies will just drink for awhile and head out to the garage. It’s great right?
Guy 2- …..

What would I give to hear Guy 2’s response? Off the top of my head I’d sacrifice my remaining flex, my favorite hat, my virginity, and my David Akers “underage drinking will kick your life away” poster.

I can’t stop thinking about it. One simple question by a meathead strolling by has shattered my world. Did his friend agree? Is drunk weightlifting fun? Am I the weird one for never trying this? Is this what some people do on weekends?

If so, what exactly makes weightlifting more fun while working out? I admit alcohol can make some activities more enjoyable. Whiffleball, Mario kart, and talking to Kyle Smith comes to mind. But lifting weights? Really?

Aren’t the two activities together almost an oxy-moron? Weightlifting is a form of working out in which you try to build your body into its peak condition. Beer drinking is a form of recreation in which you try to slowly destroy your body in the most entertaining way possible. Not exactly peanut butter and jelly.

I guess people just are attracted to different types of hobbies. I write a blog and sit around all day waiting for people to comment. Others get intoxicated and lift heavy objects over their heads. To each their own.

I really shouldn’t have mocked some one’s hobby in the same post that I am about to share this information, but here it goes. The MLB season is slowly creeping towards us and with that will be the return of fantasy baseball. I couldn’t wait much longer to draft my team though, so I decided to get a little creative during class last week. So here is my ultimate baseball team made up entirely of superheroes. (Note- certain super powers would be banned. For example, Superman can’t fly around or blow up the ball. Let’s not get silly here)
1) Spider-man CF: Peter Parker is really the perfect fit for this team. Defensively, you will not find a better center-fielder. The amazing spider-man is quick and agile, while having the superb “spider senses” to quickly read the flight of even the hardest hit balls. You might want to go ahead and reserve three or four spots a night on Sports Centers top plays right now, because nobody scales a wall quite like him.
2) Mr. Fantastic 1B: Forget any offensive concerns you might have. Mr. Fantastic nabs a roster spot for one reason only: to win gold gloves. No matter how wild a through over to first is, Mr. Fantastic will find a way to reach it. You also won’t find a better player in the league at stretching that extra inch to a nail an opponent at first on a close play.
3) Wolverin 3B: The hard-nosed, athletic type that any coach would want anchoring the hot corner, Wolverine could be the cornerstone of any successful ball club. Beyond his physical strength and heightened senses, Wolverine also boasts the ability to heal himself quickly from injuries and sickness. Simply put, you can count on him being in your line-up day in a day out. Cal Ripken, watch your back.
4) Superman RF: The complete package. Strong enough to lead the league in home runs while backed with the speed to torture opposing batteries. Superman can be marked down for an easy 60 home run and 40 stolen base performance every year. We haven’t even mentioned his rocket arm that will bring dread to even the most seasoned of third-base coaches.. This is the type of high-priced talent that not even Billy Beane could pass on
5) The Hulk C: Want to pitch around the man of steel? Be our guest. You just insulted our most powerful bat in the lineup and I think he is going to be angry. And trust us, you won’t like him when he is angry. The Hulk is the one man dangerous enough to protect Superman in the lineup, and the only player strong enough to physically catch some of the fastballs our rotation will be whizzing in.
6) The Thing LF: Defense? Who cares about stinking defense? In vintage Adam Dunn/Pat Burrell fashion, we will gladly sacrifice some coverage in the outfield for simply incredible offensive production. While The Thing may be the perfect DH, we’ll take the risk that his power numbers will greatly surpass the damage down by his slow speed and hands of stone in left-field. Don’t let these concerns lead you to believe that The Thing isn’t an athlete.  As a young kid he played football for empire state as a scholarship athlete.
7) Captain America SS: Anytime you have Captain America batting 7th, you know you are in good shape. This is a man who would be the centerpiece for any other team, but contains the humble team spirit to take a lesser role for the sake of the group. Hailing from New York City, Captain America is a war hero with no criminal record (AKA a public relations director’s dream) You also can not underestimate the leadership he will provide to this team. Don’t let this over-shadow his on-field performance however, as he has agility, strength, speed, endurance, and reaction time superior to any Olympic athlete who ever competed.
8) Robin 2B: Robin is certainly a controversial choice. He has no powers, limited strength and is consider a historic under-achiever. This is why we couldn’t help but take a flier on the guy. First off, he can be signed for relatively cheap. With huge contracts given to Superman, Wolverine, and Spider-man, we needed to find an economically affordable player who will go out and compete each day. Robin has a bit of a chip on his shoulder after years of living in Batman’s shadow. Maybe on his own, he can finally reach his full potential. If not, we have Night Crawler on the bench just waiting for a chance.

Pinch Runner- The Flash
Pinch Hitter- Colossus

Rotation
1) The Flash
2) Gambit
3) The Human Torch

And just for the hell of it.
Coach- The Beast
Owner- Tony Stark

I visited New York this week for a media convention and I learned something very important. There is no more stressful position to be in then being the “pace-setter” on an escalator. When you are the first person in line, the entire decision of whether to ride to the top or walk rests in your hands. I feel like if I just let the escalator do the work for me, then everyone will think I’m lazy. But if I use the escalator like a speed burst in Mario kart and just walk along with it, I look like a jerk who can’t slow down and enjoy the simple things in life. It really ruins the entire experience for me.

People has been asking about the photo’s that run along with these posts on the main page.  No the person pictured is not me and yes it is actually a man.   The person shown in all those pictures is my roommate and BUNow editor Andrew Wakelee.   Basically, I couldn’t think of a logo for “Cup O’ Joe” and decided to steal some pictures from his Facebook.   If you enjoy them that is great, because there are literally hundreds more. The kid is the Michael Jordan of terrible pictures.

I have a long dark history of always being the bridesmaid but never the bride (did I use that saying correctly?  I’m trying some new ones out).  Basically, I always have great ideas but never seem to have the ability to cary them out.  Then years later, someone else makes it big with my idea.  When I was young, we started the “Joe Gets Hurt Show”.  Months later, Jackass was born.   I started writing a movie about Jesus’ jealous brother.  Fred Clause becomes a hit. I was working on a auto-biography about when an evil wizard who tried to kill me as a baby but couldn’t, but that Harry Potter nonsense stole my thunder (and lightening scar).

The problem is, no one ever believes me because I never come through on any of my thoughts.  I just let them waste away until someone else reaps the rewards.  Not this time though.  Finally Karma has come around and gave me a long over-due bear hug. 

My senior year of high school, I created and distributed a March Madness bracket that would crown the greatest breakfast cereal.  The entire school caught the fever.  We even sent copies to soldiers in Iraq to play along with.  In 2007 as a student at Bloomsburg, I once again helped host the event on WBUQ 91.1 as a member of the Fearsome Foursome.  We would taste all the cereals and give them grades on such factors as taste, level of difficulty while eating, and mascot.  Each week we would run the results in The Voice.  On April 12th 2007, we crowned Fruity Pebbles as the world champion. People followed the event online from across the country, from Boston to Florida to San Diego.  We even had a few listeners in Australia sharing their opinions.  I remain very proud regarding the success of that event to this day.

On Monday, my friend Kevin Ward made the call.  I thought it was a sick joke at first.  Upon investigation, it wasn’t.

This time, I will not take this fight laying down. ESPN, I am coming for you. Not with lawyers and lawsuits though, that just wouldn’t be my style (plus I have committed a healthy dose of copyright laws in my day as well). I am coming at you with every ounce of my writing and managing ability. I am going to hit you where it hurts: readership and ad revenue. So here is my promise, by next December BUNow will have more daily hits than ESPN.com and the Fearsome Foursome will have more listeners than The Herd on ESPN Radio. If not, I will graduate and never return to Bloomsburg.

Game on.

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