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Phillies dominate Rockies; Facebook

It all used to happen while waiting for the school bus in the morning.

“Did you hear the White Ranger is Tommy!?”

“What are you doing after school, because I just found my dad’s nudie magazines.”

Those were the days before cell phones and the Internet.  If any huge news took place after dinner, you wouldn’t hear about it until the next day at school.  If anything happened that day in class, you could risk passing notes Underground Railroad style, or you would have to wait until recess to get the scoop.

(My favorite part about the evolution of note passing in grade school has to be the emergence of codes.  I remember working feverishly on a teacher-proof code that was really either sloppy pig-Latin or involved replacing letters with their matching number order in the alphabet.   This was before “Boy Meets World” became popular and we realized that teachers were smarter than us).

As years passed, our parents made the mistake of allowing us to use the telephone to talk to our friends, leading to incredibly expensive three-way calls regarding breaking news like, “The Rock just threw Stone Cold into the river!”.   This was fun, but the fatal flaw in the “House-Phone” era was the smart-ass dad who just loved to make your life miserable whenever you got stuck on the phone with him.

“Oh, I am sorry.  This isn’t Nick’s house.  This is Pizza Hut! Try again later!” Click.

Luckily, the Internet soon took off and Instant Messenger changed all the rules.  Suddenly, we could communicate all night with minimal interference from our parents or teachers.  This was an exciting time, when we could post vital information like “Ed and Maria made out last night at the school dance. OMG!” all over our away messages and the letters A/S/L were common language.

Once high school hit, the communication avalanche continued to snowball as texting and social networking sites began to dominate our culture.

Today, if I want the latest news I log onto facebook and check out the status updates (Some people might argue Twitter is better, but I am not a fan.  I don’t like following anything, whether it is twitter accounts or the surgeon general’s warning.)

This summer my brother-in-law gave me his Eagles preseason tickets for the New England game.  This game would have been quickly forgotten if not for the Mike Vick signing.  When news started to spread, the crowd did a crazy version of “The Wave”, with each person pulling their phone out, dropping their jaws, and turning to the person next to them to break the news.

I happened to be on Facebook through my phone at the time, and the amount of Vick related posts bordered on ridiculous.  This was the first night I noticed this new trend.

Over the last few months, the movement has intensified. It didn’t matter if the news was local (First rum and coke night of the year!!!) or national (No Swayze? No Way-ze!), when something big happened, people seemed to leap towards their computers.

It’s to the point now that the other day when I told my buddy Ward that the internet might crash in the Northeast if Lidge blew game 3, we both knew I was only half joking.

I’ve been trying to brainstorm an easy column I could BS each week to get the lovely BUNow bosses off my back about my lack of original content posted this semester.  So I’ve decided to put my hours upon hours of procrastination to work and assemble a weekly list of the best facebook status’ I stumble across.

I hope you aren’t fans of first impressions, because I am working with limited material this week (I finished this story on Tuesday because I have to leave town for a wedding).  Still, I hope you enjoy these submissions as much as I have, and feel free to alert me if you discover any Facebook gems.

Phillies News

–       ROCKtober = the shortest month of the year

–       would like it if all the idiots at cottman & frankford would go back in the bars so the hellicopters would get off of my roof

–       You know it’s playoff baseball when 98.9 percent of the comments on your news feed have some variation of: “HOWARD, LOVE, LIDGE, BRAD, WERTH, BRING ON, and !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Anti-Phillies News

–       do you phillie fans just giggle when the umps make calls like that in your favor?

–       Wow, Phils get another call their way. Blown call #114 of the series.

aaaaand out come the Phillies bandwagon jumpers AGAIN…..don’t worry, Lidge  will blow a game or two against the Dodgers

Columbus Day News

–       boycotting columbus day. dude was a dick.

–       who knew today was a holiday? weird.

–       “What’s your policy on Columbus Day?”… We work… “Really?!? The guy discovered the New World!!! I’m afraid to even ask about Victory over Japan day…”

The most depressing status of the week

–       is studying …this will be my status all week likely:(


  1. For all those confused, this article was to be published last week but I got sidetracked by a wedding… that is why everything is related to the colorado series and a holiday that passed awhile back. I’m not crazy.

    But spoiler alert, be prepared for more baseball related statuses this week, because 90% have been phillies, yankees, anti-phillies, or anti-yankees. Oh, and something called paranormal-activity, which I still have no clue what that is.

  2. I’d love you even more if my story was posted on time… haha

    Speaking of love, (cheap plug) If you love and miss the fearsome foursome radio show, be sure to check out BUnow for a big announcement in the coming days.

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