40 Reasons Why I’m Not Hooking Up With You

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Whether you’d like to admit it or not, we’ve all had those moments of turning someone down for various reasons. Here are just a few of the reasons they won’t be leaving the party with you tonight:

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  1. You sweat like a pig.
  2. You still wear Hollister and you’re in college…like seriously?
  3. You dress like a homeless man.
  4. “I’m on my period…”
  5. “Have you heard of a bar of soap? Or should I just carry an oxygen tank around with me?”
  6. This isn’t fifth grade; those Sketchers aren’t working for me.
  7. You’re obsessed with your letters more than a girl and pumpkin spiced lattes.
  8. Elmo has a deeper voice than you.
  9. You remind me of my ex.
  10. I’m taller than you; I didn’t plan on making a trip to munchkin land anytime soon.
  11. Didn’t think I’d have to wear a name tag to a party.
  12. Frosted tips? Are you in a boy band?
  13. I’m sorry not all guys can rock cardigans.
  14. Do I look like a booty call?
  15. You have the rep of “that creepy guy.”
  16. I guess it’s cool you had your eye on me since the first time you saw me…a month ago.
  17. Your body count is higher than the average IQ.
  18. You’re in a relationship, and I’m not a home wrecker.
  19. There’s puke down the front of you, need I say more?
  20. Did I mention mouthwash was invented for people like you?
  21. I saw you attempt to hit on my friend about five minutes ago.
  22. “I’d rather get burnt with a cigarette.”
  23. You dance like you have to go to the bathroom.
  24. You look like you’re five.
  25. No, I don’t want to come back to your room and “watch” Netflix.
  26. You’re as fruity as your Smirnoff Ice.
  27. My five-year-old brother can draw a better tattoo.
  28. Nice bowl cut, are you Justin Bieber?
  29. “Not trying to get cut by brace face tonight.”
  30. You’re a townie.
  31. Your cup size is bigger than mine.
  32. Questioning if you’re a guy or girl.
  33. You might accidentally hook up with twins.
  34. You have Ebola.
  35. You live in my dorm hall.
  36. You’re my C.A.
  37. “I’d rather not have sandpaper rub against my face.”
  38. If you call me “bae” and we’re not dating; get out of here.
  39. Those aren’t cold sores; you definitely have herpes.
  40. “At your age, you’re going to have a lot of urges. You’re going to want to take off your clothes, and touch each other. But if you do touch each other, you *will* get Chlamydia…and die.”

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