Video Production by Nick Cellucci
1) Lock yourself in your room and wallow in your own misery: Valentine’s Day is perfect excuse to throw yourself a pity party. If you have single friends, they can join too. And if you aren’t so bitter, lock yourself in your room anyways to avoid all of the bitter people.
2) Eat your sorrows with chocolate: It seems like everyone is engulfing their stomachs with chocolate on Valentine’s Day. It must be the once a year diet thing. Drowning your sorrows full of chocolate is perfectly acceptable this day. The worst that could happen is a stomach ache… Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream does wonders too!
3) Harass all of your friends who are in relationships: It could be the bitter jealousy that plagues people on Valentine’s Day or all of the excessive love in the air that annoys people so much, but if you are successful you can get your friends single again so they can join you in the ULTIMATE pity party of your life!
4) Search high and low for that special someone: Hopefully you can snag a special someone to avoid feeling like the odd one out. Sadly, you will be missing out on the ULTIMATE pity party of your life!
5) Make “Forever Alone” memes on the internet: Partake in a hobby of some simple photo manipulation. Contribute to the THOUSANDS of “Forever Alone” memes on the internet. This way, you will stay both productive and bitter!
It can’t be all bad though…..
6) Count all of the money you will be saving: No one likes spending hundred’s on a dinner, a nice dress or suit, and gifts, especially one who MUST have that $500 necklace from Kay’s. With all the saved money left over, you could buy more chocolate and Ben & Jerry’s, or that new awesome next-gen console system you have always wanted!
7) Sigh with relief that you aren’t involved in all of the Valentine’s Drama: Valentine’s Day can turn even the kindest of hearts into possessive, controlling, untrusting, flaky, materialistic and agitated people. The aftermath of this equation can be fatal. It is best to stay out of heated love affairs. At the end of the day, at least you will still have your dignity.
8) Use the day to do some “Soul Searching”: Maybe you can use this time to learn more about yourself and find out how to deal with all the messy situations in your life. Take a hike, do some Yoga, skydive and conquer your fears. Do something unexpected and fun. Forget about all the fuss!
9) Spend time with your “loved ones”: “But we’re single!” No! This includes family and your close friends. You will be showered with unconditional love and have a great time without all the extra tension that comes with relationships.
10) Continue your life like any other day: Just because it’s a “holiday” doesn’t mean you have to partake in it. I mean let’s be honest, we have 364 other days, not counting leap year, to be loved.
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